A friend of mine is a middle manager in a large corporation. His long-time boss, close to the top of the hierarchy, had an “interesting” character trait: he yelled at his subordinates. In front of the whole team.
For the longest time in human history, this kind of behavior was tolerated. Reprimanding people. Putting them in their place. Giving them a roasting… All of these were acceptable behaviors for “superiors.” They just came with the job description of a manager. Like the company car or the corner office.
But times have changed. Treating employees like minions is no longer accepted in many organizations (although certainly not everywhere). Especially in the knowledge work sector, smart people can choose where they want to work. And they don’t have to put up with being yelled at.
That’s a wonderful development. Because it reminds managers of an important aspect of leadership: you can only be a leader if people follow you; and they won’t if you treat them badly.
Interestingly enough, warehouses full of leadership books do not teach you how to do this. It’s not about setting SMART goals, running effective meetings, or compensating well. It’s about meeting employees at eye level.
Here are three simple ideas to help you do that.
One of the synonyms for “manager” is “superior.” But we need to be very careful not to act in such a “superior” way. An effective antidote is to develop humility. You can do this by regularly asking questions like the following:
Using questions like these sends a simple message: that you don’t consider yourself “above” your employees. You’re a human, too, and not an infallible demigod.
By the way, you don’t have to worry about losing your credibility as a result. Quite the contrary: research has shown that humility can become a competitive advantage for leaders and that humble leaders tend to be the most effective ones!
You’re not everyone’s boss all the time: when you’re at home, when you interact with friends, or when you attend a class, you can’t and shouldn’t assume a leadership position all the time. But even at work, letting go of your leadership role can be beneficial from time to time. Look for situations where you can put an employee in a leadership position instead:
This helps us see that leadership is fluid, not fixed. It prevents us from getting stuck in our roles as “superiors” and “subordinates.” Because always assuming these roles is neither productive nor healthy.
When we only know someone as their role, it’s easy to treat them like that: reduced to their job function, not as a complete human being. A limited perspective like that comes at a price. Because we can’t develop much trust, respect, and empathy for each other. Our relationships are fragile.
Compare this to a close friendship of yours: you would never think of bossing that friend around. Because you know them as a human.
To avoid a misunderstanding right away: it’s not about becoming best friends with everyone at work. That’s not necessary. But it’s important to go beyond our roles. To know a little bit about who we are as humans.
An easy way to do that is through conversations. When we make them a bit deeper, beyond just work-related stuff and the usual small talk. Try asking questions like the following:
To learn even more about someone, follow up with another, very simple question: ask “Why?” This gets you talking about deeper motivations, convictions, and perspectives.
My prediction for the future is simple: if leaders (and companies) want to be successful, they need to meet their employees at eye level. Leaders (and companies) who fail to do that will fail to attract smart employees. They will starve intellectually.
At least in the case of my friend, this prediction has already come true: his hot-tempered, dismissive boss is no longer part of the organization.
